me

關於我的二三事信箱。留言隨手貼。aNobii 書架堆積木。

2016/09/22

IAmSorry.template

我很抱歉
我很抱歉
我很抱歉
因為很重要所以說三遍
因為必須道歉的事簡直數不完
對不起我是女人
對不起我是同性戀
對不起就算我不是女人不是同性戀卻比他們更柔軟
對不起我受了傷
對不起我竟沒有抵抗/竟膽敢抵抗
對不起我愛的人遇害
對不起我愛的人加害
對不起我居然沒有尖叫給他死給他死
對不起我怎麼不自己去死一死
對不起,真的很抱歉
誰叫我是宅男
誰叫我天天加班
誰叫我缺乏正確的資歷和資產
誰叫我來自泰國印尼馬來西亞或越南
對不起我不夠瘦不夠高不是正妹或天菜
一定是這樣我家才會被拆
我的部落被賤賣
天天呼吸喝水就足以致癌
老了病了殘了窮了活該
對不起如果我憤怒痛哭或嘔吐
(啊多麼痛的領悟剩下芭樂歌是全部)
對不起所有小孩老鷹和大樹
(兩隻石虎兩隻石虎
(跑不快,真奇怪)
對不起我不是(也不想當)太宰治
對不起我還在寫詩
對不起到此為止

2016/09/13

唯物論

——寫給朋友

有些男人是動物有些是植物
有些是礦物有些是食物
此所以格物致知很重要
當然我們都多少聽過傳說中的
神仙眷侶或神鵰俠侶
他們天人合一
他們物我兩忘
但那是種嗯,境界?沒得強求
至於妳你我我他和她
通常仍需對抗無可迴避的生物事實
某些萎縮或膨脹
鬆弛或緊繃
問題可能在於物理心理病理甚至地理
總之妳不動我們很難判斷
就像一枚跳棋不先走一格擋住後面所有的計算
關於物換星移
關於物極必反
關於十幾年如何一滴滴漏下凝固
成一個沉重緊閉的盒
是禮物廢棄物還是爆裂物妳不想知道
或者盒裡藏著妳空缺的破片
被彎折,拆除,放棄的
兀自揮發著微光
以物易物換得妳現在的模樣
妳說那是公平交易物以類聚
我說妳太死心眼了不適合談生意
妳說可是貨物出門概不退換
我說我們找消保官好不好
不然我抱抱妳或打妳一巴掌好不好
在事物的核心
纏著妳遺忘的什麼
只有妳能看見
只要妳能看見
抽起那根正確的線
迷宮將層層崩塌迎刃而解
妳是必須逃脫的冒險者也是被囚禁的怪物
是承諾也是信物
走吧起飛吧前進吧轉彎吧
一切都不再一切何妨
拉倒重來
本來無一物
此物最相蝕


2016/07/08

The day before

The rain when it came was almost a relief
Loud but stuttering
Hesitant promise of a storm to come
Something swirling out there
Twirling in here
Both brooding, both at sea
And in between charts must be consulted
About clouds, currents, fronts and depressions
How the wind may blow
How the stars ascend and align
Supernatural contraption or divine intervention
To form, reform and transform the world
You wait, then wait some more
The rain falls, and falls again
Never on the right spot
Never at the right moment
The story of your, their, our lives
So when will...?
Or is it all...?
Suspended in the borrowed hour
Almost but not quite
Half-hatched dreams and stillborn darkness
Nothing has happened
Everything has passed

2016/06/30

The night is my refuge

The night is my refuge
A dark place easily within reach
Where I go and hide
Burying my head after Sandman passes through
I loiter in the long quiet corridor
Inspecting every speck of dust
Tiny beginnings of a spider web
Hints of some unseen draught, perhaps?
Never a glance at the faint light in the doorway
And if you curl up on your side
The corridor becomes a well
The little patch of sky almost out of sight
Almost reassuring
Distant possibility like a waking dream
Safe in the collective shadow
You pretend to forget your own
While it feeds on itself and grows
Every night
Every day
Between the familiar devil and the deep blue sky
An ache I've known so long it's turned phantom -
No longer sure if it's really there -
The simulation of an illusion, or vice versa
So I stay up and stay down
As the day seeps in and washes over
Inevitable and indifferent like ocean waves
Leaving all exposed and exhausted, again
And again


2016/06/14

非典型六月

雨從天亮之前開始
細涼無聲一如悄悄掩至的黎明
低著暗著
一個暫避白晝的彎道,不久也
轉過去了
而你被夢逼上路肩
那些陌生的傷害和死滅
如此虛幻如此切身
某種滲透睡與醒的濕氣
你翻身,挪枕頭
蓋被掀被開關風扇
以各種角度橫在床上像壞掉的指針
無怪混亂的讀數紛紛浮現
關於你和你的和不是你的
(而這三者要區分有時如此困難)
同時雨仍在下
擾亂的,安撫的
彷彿再不會結束
不會結束該多好/多糟
你回到那個轉角
關掉雨刷
只看玻璃上潺潺扭動的水流
透明模糊,輾轉反覆
可以是一天
可以是一年


2016/05/22

Requiem

Such a long, long day's journey into night, my dears
The night I have sent you into
Is the deepest purest black
So final, so unrelenting
That it now seems almost tender
Certainly tempting
An indifferent siren humming to herself
As I let go and crash into the waves
Fathomless embrace where no light escapes
In defiance or defeat I can no longer tell
Perhaps it doesn't matter after all
One life or ten
A dozen or a thousand
Let no other be the sad accountant
Tracking then losing each and every one of
All those betrayed and broken
Thus I take my leave
Haltingly, in agony
Eyes longing and shadow lingering
Like too many before me
Softly, softly killing and killed
Unheard unseen unanswered unclaimed
Sinking away into uneasy sleep
Dreaming a billion stolen heartbeats
Until we become the same smoke, the same ashes
Scattered to the same endless winds


2016/05/13

Theater of cruelty

Somewhere in the dark they hurried and shot him
He with a death wish
They with a license to kill
Proud and sneering they swept in
In stealth and in ecstasy
Obtuse and single-minded like the bullet
Stone grey like the morning he would never see
As we cheered on, tasting blood
Chorus and spectators
Eagerly watching, waiting, warning
Wanting it to happen
Wanting it to just go away
But not before everyone's had their fill
Of sound and fury
In our very own theater of cruelty
So let us destroy and disown him
An outrage, a freak
An inconvenient message
Devil ex machina
No explanation given nor needed, except that
If there is a gun on stage it must be fired
And this they did, no questions asked
No questions left
For we have found our answer, the only truth
In the final act
Primitive ritual, classical catharsis,
And modern sensation rolled into one
Cheap shot for expensive thrill
On which we are drunk
Full house, standing ovation
Exuent omnes
While the only one remaining, the only one sober
Is the one they took out
He whose madness began it all
He whose violence becomes us so