I Touched Him Downstairs
To make sure if he got LP
He’s so full of guts
He took my money, your money, his money
Supposedly for the revolution
My dirty mind wonders if he’s using it for plastic surgery
Operation downstairs
Must be
A guy I know even became a special agent to save up for sex change
Killed several people too
I really want to touch him
I’m almost touching him
He says “Don’t you overstep the line”
But I desperately want to
Grope him hard down there
It’s pitch black in there
I’m scared to death but also dying to
Quickly solve this mystery
About his unusual anxiety
Most definitely an anxiety too private to share
That separates him from his fans
With Taiwan and Taiwan Strait plus Pacific Ocean in between
He roams around rowing his little boat
Washing the gold in hand that cannot be cleaned
He forgets that I and many others voted for him
And because he’s got no LP
My guy thinks about him all day long
Keeps staring at TV or turning on PC
To look for him
Look for him
With envy or resentment in his eyes
Eyes that suddenly wet
Oh dear my guy is forgetting his LP
Which is not so good
With our money gone
It mustn’t be game over for the most basic form of fun
---
Note:
In English, LP can be short for many things according to Wikipedia. Readers are welcome to any of them.
In Chinese,
*luǎn pāo (卵脬) means scrotum in some dialects. In Taiwanese, where the term is pronounced lān-pha, it also refers to a person’s courage or confidence.
*lǎo po (老婆) means wife in Mandarin.
〈我摸了摸他的下半身〉
想確定一下他有沒有 LP
他全身都是 guts
他拿走我的錢，你的錢，他的錢
說要去搞革命
我很骯髒地想他是不是要去做整型手術
下半身的整型手術
一定是這樣的
我認識的一個男生為了動變性手術還幹了特務喲
殺死好幾個人
我真的好想摸他
就快摸到他了
他說「不要太超過哦」
但我實在很想
朝下面狠狠地摸一把
那裡面黑漆漆的
我怕死了呀可是一邊又很想
快快解開這個謎
關於他異於常人的焦慮
絕絕對對是一種非常私密不能分享的焦慮
把他和他的粉絲隔開
就隔著台灣和台灣海峽加太平洋
他划著他的小船到處流浪
洗著手裡洗不乾淨的黃金
他忘記我和其他很多人都有投票給他
而且就因為他沒有 LP
我的男人整天都在想他
一直盯著電視或開電腦
找他
找他
用一種不知是羨慕還是怨懟的眼神
眼球居然一下子濕了
哎呀我的男人都快忘記他的 LP
這可不太好
我們錢都沒了
總不能連最基礎的娛樂也完了完了
---
註：據維基百科 LP 有多解，讀者可自取一個
英語
*密紋唱片，Long Play 的縮寫，一種每分鐘 331/3 轉的乙烯基材質唱片。
*有限合夥，Limited Partnership 的縮寫，一種將普通合夥人的有限責任與一次納稅待遇相結合的商業主體形式。
*寂寞星球，Lonely Planet 的縮寫，一家位於澳大利亞的旅遊指南出版社。
*線性規劃，Linear Programming 的縮寫。
*聯合公園，Linkin Park 的縮寫，一組來自美國加州的搖滾樂團。
*長整形，Long pointer 的縮寫。
*精益生產，Lean Production 的縮寫，一種生產方式。
*蘭博基尼跑車，LP640、LP560、LP670、LP710。
*孤對電子，lone pair 的縮寫。
*自由黨，Liberal Party 的縮寫。
漢語
*卵脬，一些漢語方言中是陰囊的意思。在台語中還有一個意思，指一個人有無膽識。
*老婆，網路用語，中文拼音 lǎo po 縮寫。
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